When my kids were in preschool, their teachers taught them a little song that they sang at the end of every day. It went like this:

LAWRENCE JENKINS/Special Contributor

A HELPING HAND: Renee Stevenson and her nephew Edward Stevenson, 11, rake leaves in Ms. Stevenson's back yard. Edward often helps his aunt with her household chores.

"Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share,

"Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere."

OK, so the lyrics aren't exactly Lennon-McCartney material. But the song had a message – that everybody, everywhere was supposed to pitch in and tidy up.

Like world peace, this is a nice idea that has yet to be fully achieved. In most houses with kids, one parent (and let's admit that in 99 percent of clans, that person's name is spelled m-o-m) does her unfair share of cleaning. Once she becomes too tired of griping, nagging and crying about it, she just does it herself.

But there is a better way. Besides adhering to the simple, tried-and-true rules (keep charts for your kids, be specific instead of telling a toddler, "Clean up this entire room"), there are other things parents can do to keep their kids cleaning.

Kill them with kindness. Dr. Bonnie Maslin, author of Picking Your Battles: Winning Strategies for Raising Well-Behaved Kids (St. Martin's Griffin, $14.95), says that when kids are young, you can use "kidology" on them to get what you want. Rather than saying, "Pick up these blocks," ask, "Where do the blocks hide?" Or suggest, "Let's put Jonah's book in its special place, where it will wait for him tomorrow. Good night, Book." Of course, this will not work once the bright-eyed lad becomes a sullen teen.

Provide choices. Armin Brott, an expert on fatherhood and author of many books, including Father for Life (Abbeville Press, $24.95), says he has sits down with his kids, ages 15, 12 and 3, and provides a list of things that need to be done for dinnertime. He then lets each child – with the exception of the toddler, who gets off easy – choose one or two duties that will be accomplished each day.

"The object is to get kids involved," he says. "Give them as much control over it as possible. If the kids have a stake in it, it's much, much harder for them to gripe later on." But never give them a choice when it comes to whose mess is whose, or as Mr. Brott puts it, "That's not my crumb." Remind them that as a member of the family, it's their job to pick the crumb up.

Don't underestimate what your child can do. Author Elizabeth Pantley so wisely points out, "a child who has mastered a complicated computer game can easily run the dishwasher." Preschoolers, she says, can handle one or two simple jobs per day, while older kids can take on two or three daily duties.

Be tough, even with toys. Plano mom Amy Wilson, who has girls ages 6 and 9, instilled the "toy time out" rule years ago. "I started it to create a smoother morning," she says. At the end of the day, the girls have a checklist of things that need to be done, such as picking up toys and shoes off the stairs, laying out clothes for the next day, packing up their homework, etc. If they throw a fit, a special toy goes into time-out and can be retrieved a few days later. It works best on the younger girl, Ms. Wilson says; the oldest now has privileges such as computer time taken away. Even with this variation, "it's been really helpful," she says.

Be tough, especially with your rules. If Mr. Brott's kids start balking at doing an assigned chore, he offers to do it for them. "But I say, 'I'm going to charge you $10 to do it.' " They consider the cost and usually end up doing it themselves. "I'm expensive," he notes.

Lead by example. You can't expect your kids to pick up their coats off the floor if they see you leaving your clothes everywhere. (Sad but true.) Mr. Brott's cardinal rule: "You do not get up from the table, whether it's in this house or anybody else's house, without taking your dishes to the sink.

Take time to train. Ms. Pantley, who wrote Perfect Parenting: The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips (McGraw-Hill, $14.95), suggests this order:

1. Demonstrate the task step-by step.

2. Let your child help you do it.

3. Let him or her do the job while you supervise.

4. Set the kid free to go at it alone.

Mr. Brott notes that "a couple of clinics on pot-washing, or how to load the dishwasher to get a few more dishes in" will pay off in the long run.

Stop the bribery. Most experts agree that allowance for specific, basic chores is not a good idea; the kids should be expected to do those things as members of the family. But apart from allowance, it doesn't hurt to reward them now and then.

Cliff Childs of Dallas keeps a list of all of his children's' privileges (computer, TV, phone, etc.) along with a list of chores. Whoever completes the most duties without grumbling gets all privileges as well as a surprise. The runners-up get to choose which privilege to go without.

"In their own sweet time," he says, "they decide that making their bed or helping to clear the table isn't an infringement of their civil rights and that their social standing in the community will not suffer." (He has an 18-year-old son and 17-year-old daughter, so they care about such things.)

Stop the whining. Forget telling them about how it was when you were young. "They don't really care ... unless you got arrested," Mr. Brott says.

Remember, they're only young once ... Renee Stevenson of Farmer's Branch says it's easy for her to keep this perspective – mainly because she's the aunt, not the parent. When her four nieces and nephews stay over, she makes cleanup time fun. "I highly encourage silliness and conversation," she says, adding that she'll ask them about their day or a favorite friend at school. "I disguise chores as one-on-one time." An idea worth noting, even for parents.

... And that no chore-doer is perfect. Ms. Wilson, the Plano mom, is the first to admit that her kids don't always make her life nagging-free. "I'm definitely guilty of following them around" to make sure it all gets done, she says. "But on our good days, if everyone does the checklist, we all feel better."

Along those lines, Dr. Maslin offers up her motto: "My house is clean enough to be healthy, and messy enough to be happy."

Darla Atlas is a Fort Worth freelance writer.

Not sure what jobs your child can handle? Below are a few guidelines from parenting expert Elizabeth Pantley, who notes that "the idea is not to turn your child into Cinderella!" In other words, your child probably shouldn't be required to do everything on this list.

Ages 2 to 3: Put toys away, fill pet's food dish, put clothes in hamper, wipe up spills, dust, pile books or magazines, choose clothes and dress self.

Ages 4 to 5: All of the above, plus make own bed, empty wastebaskets, bring in mail or newspaper, clear table, pull weeds, use hand-held vacuum to pick up crumbs, water flowers, unload utensils from dishwasher, wash plastic dishes at sink, fix bowl of cereal.

Ages 6 to 7: Above, plus sort laundry, sweep floors, handle personal hygiene, set and clear table, help make and pack lunch, rake leaves, keep bedroom tidy, pour own drinks, answer telephone.

Ages 8 to 9: Above, plus load dishwasher, put away groceries, vacuum, help make dinner, make own snacks, wash table after meals, put away own laundry, sew buttons, run own bath, make own breakfast, peel vegetables, cook simple food (such as toast), mop floor, take pet for a walk, pack own suitcase.

Ages 10 and up: Above, plus unload dishwasher, fold laundry, clean bathroom, wash windows, wash car, cook simple meal with supervision, iron clothes, do laundry, baby-sit younger siblings (with adult in the home), mow lawn, clean kitchen, clean oven, change bed, make cookies or cake from box mix, plan birthday party, have neighborhood job – such as pet care or yard work, or have a paper route.

Darla Atlas

The greater goal of getting kids to do chores has little to do with a tidy home, according to the experts. "We want them to be fully functional adults," says author Armin Brott. "They have to learn to take care of a household; if they never do, they can develop the attitude that 'someone will be along to clean up after me.' That's a big danger, because they'll end up being someone else's problem."

Dr. Bonnie Maslin agrees, adding that another reason kids should help clean up is to remind them that their mom is not the maid or a robot. She suggests that when kids complain that they can't tidy up because of some pressing need to go outside, tell them that you'd really like to sit down on the couch with the newspaper. But neither one of you can have fun until the work is done.

"The overall goal," Mr. Armin says, "is to really make them understand that over time, being a family involves some give and take."