Question: My wife and I have been married for five years. I had a few partners prior to her but she has had many as she was single for 10 years after her first husband died. She likes men and flirting, but she says she loves only me.

My problem is this: When we go out on the weekends she spends more time flirting and dancing with other men than with me. I really have no issue with this, but I was wondering if you think this could lead to a problem? Is this a red flag?

Answer: Blazin' red, in our opinion. You have to ask yourself why a woman who says she loves only you would spend all her time dancing with other men while you stand on the sidelines. We are thinking it might be by design. You know her history. Was she faithful in her previous relationships? If the answer is no, then that's your answer.

Don't get us wrong – we get that flirting and at times innocent attention from someone other than your spouse gets both of you to sit up and realize what you have, but we are also huge proponents of "trusting your gut." If things just don't feel right, they probably aren't right. And if you had no issue with this, as you said in your letter, we doubt you would be writing us. It's bothering you.

So, what do you do? Take this seriously. It's things like this that slowly undermine a couple's intimacy. She may have a problem that needs to be explored in counseling. But also consider that you may not be as attentive as you should be, and this may be her way of trying to get you to notice her. When a husband appears to have no problem with his wife's spending the evening dancing with other men, it could be misconstrued that he doesn't care. The more you act as if it's no problem, the more she tries to get you to notice. More than this being the case of a flirtatious wife, could it be the case of an inattentive husband?

Of course, we are just speculating by asking you to take a look at a possibility that may not have crossed your mind. Bottom line: If it's the weekend, the time that you two have set aside to be together, and she's kicking up her heels with other guys – pay attention. Problems in a marriage are rarely created by only one of the partners. It takes two to tango.

Ex-Etiquette is written by Jann Blackstone-Ford, M.A., and her husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe. Reach them at ee@bonusfamilies.com.