Coffey Talk
What can I do to make him happy?
09:00 AM CDT on Thursday, July 26, 2007
Dear Lissa,
We just moved out here three months ago, away from all my family none the less. We have been together for three years and just got married four months ago. We are doing better here financially, but he's gotten more controlling since we got here and seems to have more of temper as well. He doesn't really seem happy with anything I do anymore. I can't cook right, I don't do laundry right, and intimacy…I don't feel he's attracted to me anymore either like he used to be. I don't think he's cheated on me yet.
I guess my complaint is what can I do to make him happy? Seems like nothing I do lately makes him happy or excites him. I love him to death and I don't want our marriage to end for any reason. Do I need to change something about me or am I too hard on myself?
There is nothing you can do to make any other person happy. And I don't think that you are the problem at all.
Your husband is very likely depressed. He's in a new city, a new job, and probably struggling with making new friends and finding his "place" in this new environment. Since you're the one who is around, you're the one he takes it out on. He's had a lot of changes in his life in a short period of time, so he feels out of control, and he's looking desperately for something, or someone, that he can control. Well, that's a recipe for disaster in a relationship.
What you can do is to point out to him that things are different between you and that you'd like to be close again. Get some couple counseling, so you can find out what's really going on with your husband. Maybe he hates his job. Or maybe he misses your old home. The two of you need to talk, and get really honest with each other, and often it helps to have a neutral, insightful person there to help facilitate and come up with some practical solutions. Good luck!
Love, ~ Lissa
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