I’ve gotten to an age where I am much more selective with the people with whom I surround myself. Gone are the days when going to bars and surface talk was sufficient glue holding me and my collection of friends together. And while those things are still certainly a part of my relationships, albeit a smaller one, with today’s friends I desire a lot more. I’ve come to favor quality over quantity.

As such I look at my friends as resources, with all of them fulfilling a unique array of needs — companionship, laughter, sensitivity, understanding, sympathy, etc. And I hope I am a resource to them, at times being the listener primed for privileged personal information, and at others just simply being their companion for the events of the day. For a different friend, they may value me most for my sense of humor, and that’s why they keep me around (they don’t know many funny people.) But a few things for which I know I am valued is my sympathetic ear, broad shoulders and honest appraisals.

There is a unique bond that exists between a gay man and his women friends…and a unique opportunity. You’ve heard me say that I think the relationship between gay men and women is one of the most honest types of relationships. We just keep it real. No bullshit, no competition, no innuendo, and no false pretenses. So you know we’re not going to steer you wrong. At the same time we’re still guys. And because of that, you get a free look into our minds and how guys think.

Now don’t get me wrong there are plenty of differences between straight and gay men, the obvious being the latter’s preference for “outies” not “inies.” But at our core we are still guys and a lot of times we think like our straight brethren.

Let me give you an example. All guys think about sex all the time. Period. The players may change but the game remains the same. Guys, whether gay or straight, do look at sex differently then women. We don’t invest ourselves in sex as emotionally as women do.

I’m not saying your men aren’t emotionally involved when they are having sex with you, making love, whatever you want to call it. Just don’t be naïve enough to think that their internalization of what is taking place is a mirrored reflection of your own. Men and women are different.

A second example for you. Sometimes women really just complicate things. Gay or straight, men are pretty simple and you give us a lot more credit than we deserve. I know that there are plenty of sensitive men out there. But guys can rarely guess what is on someone else’s mind, and usually don’t know that they are supposed to be guessing because they don’t even know there’s a problem!

A lot of my girlfriends have come to me upset about different situations in their personal relationships with men. I usually end up offering one of the following: “I think you’re reading too much into it," “I really don’t think he meant it that way," or “You might actually want to tell him exactly what you just told me.”

The friends in our lives are some of our best resources. Each brings to the table their own uniqueness and characteristics. They feed us knowledge, humor, love, and insight. Take advantage of the gay men in your lives, they give you valuable insight into the minds of those other men in your life. The bonus is that with us, we can then share war stories about dating, marriage, love and all the “outies” in our lives.

Every other Thursday, Just Friends explores the bonds between gay men and straight women.   E-mail o8sis