One thing that has been a constant in my relationship with my fiancé is reading… And the ironic thing is—neither of us really even likes to read! When we realized we were serious and contemplating marriage, we started going through a book called 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged by H. Norman Wright, and now I have to say that reading is really starting to grow on me. This book is wonderful because it hits on all the issues you really don’t get a chance to talk about in depth in your day-to-day dating.

The key word in the title of the book is "before." I think a lot of couples fall in love, get engaged and then start talking seriously about their futures together. This book helps you talk about the important things before you make the commitment of the engagement. It discusses the past, present and future… everything from your first memory from your childhood to your present-day relationships with your parents. It goes into finances, goals, careers, habits, health, kids, insecurities, family, friends and on and on. This book helps you learn more than you thought you already knew about each other and gives you the topics in an easy and organized fashion. You are able to see if you truly are right for one another before there’s a ring and wedding involved and if you are, affirms that even more.

After we got engaged, I started reading a book called For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn. This book is so great. I recommend it for anyone in a serious dating relationship or even if you have been married for years. It really gives you a sneak peek into the way guys think. Now, if you’re like me, you think you’ve dated enough to understand men, but when it comes down to it, we can always be reminded of why men act the way they do. This book has made me love Chase even more, given me more patience and highlighted things that I can do more of to help make my relationship with Chase even stronger.

When Chase saw me reading the book, his exact words were, “I don’t want you reading that and knowing all about me!” But after I told him that it’s actually working in his favor because I’m able to understand his needs more, he decided he wanted to read one about women. Conveniently for us, Shaunti and her husband wrote one For Men Only, so Chase has been reading that one ever since. I can already see a difference in the little things… Chase was already perfect in my eyes, but he is already becoming a better listener. Even though the guy in him will always want to try and fix the problem when I come to him with one, he is realizing that there are times when I just want him to listen and affirm his love for me. Even more so now, I feel like he always knows just the right thing to do or say.

Just like anything, whether it be your career, your faith, your friendships or your relationship with your significant other, it’s important to keep learning. Learn about one another; learn about the opposite sex in general. Just keep learning. Things change over time, so evolve with time. I like to think about it in terms of a job. If I did my job today like it was done 20 years ago, I would be sitting here with a bottle of white-out (did they have that back then?), writing on a pad of paper, scratching things out, rewriting and have a headache by now. It’s safe to say that I wouldn’t be doing as well in my job if I didn’t adapt, learn and grow over time. It’s the same with relationships. We have to develop and nurture them to give them opportunities for success.

A co-worker of mine likes to say that she and her husband have been dating for 10 years and married for nine. I love that! Keep dating, keep it fresh and new and keep learning, and I know a happy, healthy and fun marriage is bound to be the end result.

Christina Rucker shares her journey to matrimony each Wednesday.   E-mail o8sis