You've fallen in love with Mr. or Mrs. Right. You've talked about kids, a home and how you'll spend the holidays.

But have you had a financial first date?

Money. It's unromantic, yes, but it's a key element in living up to the promise of "until death do us part." And many couples neglect talking about it until a higher-than-usual credit-card bill arrives in the mail or issues surface over how to spend a bonus.

"People are uncomfortable talking about money, period," said William Gray III, owner of Clear Path Wealth Management in Yucaipa. "But it's very important to talk about these things early on so there are no surprises later."

Surprises that often lead to failed marriages, experts say. A nationwide survey by Money magazine revealed married couples fight over money more than sex or the in-laws. In fact, 84 percent of those surveyed admit money is a major cause of tension in the marriage.

"It's one of those issues that isn't talked about, but it can be a deal breaker," said Sheri Stritof, marriage columnist for About.com and author of "The Everything Great Marriage Book." "Money can impact all avenues of your life and if couples have not shared their thoughts on it, they are walking down the journey blind."

But with open and honest communication newlyweds can head down the aisle to a financially harmonious life together.

"It's important to get to know each other financially," said Palm Desert accountant and financial planner Sabby Jonathan, owner of Jonathan and Associates Certified Public Accountants. "A healthy relationship doesn't have financial secrets."

So as wedding season approaches, experts suggest asking these seven financial questions before tying the knot.

How do you view money?

Attitudes toward money are often formed during childhood. Talk about money. Are you a spender or a hoarder? Do you have a fear of not having enough? Jonathan said many of his clients tend to follow the patterns of their parents. If they grew up in a home with conservative spending, they tend to be tighter with money and vice versa, he said. The conflicts can arise when the spender marries the saver and one doesn't agree with the unnecessary purchase while the other complains the saver is too stingy.

"It's good to get a good understanding of this person's background so you know where they are coming from," Stritof said.

A person's spending habits aren't always revealed in the dating process, she said.

"This is something you might not notice until you're living together and your spouse is grumbling about why you bought brand name over generic."

What are your asset and debts?

This is a basic question, but often overlooked. How much has your future spouse saved? What do they earn? Are there school loans that need to be paid off? Credit-card debt?

Gray suggests sharing credit reports.

"It will tell you a lot about how this person deals with money," he said. "You should have a full picture of this person before you enter any contract with them. And that's what marriage is, a contract. As a working pair you should know the parameters of that contract."

If there is debt, a plan should be made to pay it off.

"Debt can become a major source of resentment," Stritof said.

It's important to get to know someone's philosophy on debt, Jonathan suggests.

"While some people are fine putting purchases on the credit card, others can't sleep at night," Jonathan said.

What are your goals?

Where do you see yourself in 20 years? 40?

Talk about short-term and long-term goals and a plan to achieve them, experts say.

Do you have plans to purchase a home? To put kids through college? Retire?

"Retirement is just another bill to pay," Gray said. "If you don't pay your retirement bill, you're not going to retire."

It's also important to dream together, experts say. That's the fun part. Talk about the exotic trips you'd like to take or the cabin you want to buy.

And remember, it's normal to disagree.

"It doesn't mean you're incompatible if you disagree," Jonathan said. "You just have to come to an agreement to compromise."

Following a budget?

Budgeting is key to financial success. Firming up financial plans in writing holds people more accountable, experts say. Every good business has a budget and so should a couple.

"Budgeting is one of the least sexiest topics but so important," said Jonathan, who prefers to call it a plan to attain financial goals.

"Making a lot of money isn't going to make you rich -- it's keeping it," he said.

But the key isn't creating a budget; it's tracking it and following it.

Balance is key.

"Don't deprive yourself of fulfillment and reward, but don't deprive yourself of savings and any accumulation," Jonathan said.

Who will be in charge of household finances?

Decide who will manage the bank accounts, investments and household bills.

"Typically it works best when one person takes the lead," Gray said. "That way the left hand knows what the right hand is doing."

But experts advise couples get together frequently to talk about finances so the other is actively involved.

Also discuss how accounts will be set up. Will you share all accounts? Have separate accounts and one joint account? This can be an emotional topic. For some, joint accounts solidify the marriage commitment. Others prefer some financial independence.

What are your career expectations?

Will both of you work? Full time? Part time? Does one spouse plan to further his or her education? Do you expect to live off one income after a child is born?

It's essential to understand another person's expectations.

"Having one person stay home can be a significant impact on a lifestyle," Gray said. "Day care can also significantly impact the budget. ... It's good to be honest about your expectations early on."

Do we need a prenup?This question can be a firecracker starter.

But with couples getting married later with more assets, it's become more common.

"If you do have some money and are considering marriage, based on statistics a prenup is at least something that should be discussed," Gray said.

Jonathan's perspective: "If it's a first marriage without a lot of assets, it's generally not necessary," he said. "The opposite can be true if it's a second or third marriage with more to protect. It really is a personal decision."

Reach Amanda Strindberg at 951-368-9667 or

astrindberg@PE.com