While there are many phases of dating, there is one phase that I always find the hardest and most frustrating.

Phase One: The First Date
This stage might just be the second toughest. After I agree to go out on a first date with someone I find “initially” charming, then comes the primping. Twenty-four hours before the date is spent purely on grooming. Despite the fact that most likely the guy I plan to rendezvous with has most likely never seen me wear half of what’s hanging in my closest, I usually insist on forking over cash that should go toward groceries on a new outfit. Then there is the hair cut and style. Shaving. Painting of toes and nails. It’s exhausting. It’s superficial. But it’s also well worth it if the first date goes well.

Phase Two: Courting
So, if my grooming pays off and we both hit it off on the first date, then comes the “courting” period. This is one of my favorite times. There is a lot of nervous laughing and tip-toeing as we slowly get to know one another. He is usually on his best behavior, as am I. I can sum it up with food, wine, plays, movies, concerts, laughter and romance.

But this phase can also be called the “enlightenment” stage. Either you find out your initial hopes were true, and he is potentially Mr. Right, or you slowly start seeing the light. The truth comes out as you begin to learn about each others’ past relationships. There are also the key topics of marriage, religion and politics that can quickly eclipse what looked like a bright future.

But the best part about this phase, is either way, you haven’t formed an attachment. Yes, your ego may be hurt if he decides you’re not the one. And yes, it is hard to tell a guy you’re not that into him. But the key is, if it’s wrong, get out while the getting is good. All this leads to the dreaded Phase Three…

Phase Three: Commitment
Why do I dread this phase so? Well, what if I make the wrong decision? There are several doomsday scenarios I envision when facing this stage.

First, there is the fear that he may not want to move onto this phase, even when you are ready. There is the chance your fears may be true, and he would rather stay in Phase Two, forever.

Then there is the possibility that I move on and I end up getting hurt. There is also the chance I hurt him. Remembering the times when my past relationships soured is enough to scare me forever out of the “commitment” phase.

This is actually something I’ve done before. I have found myself choosing to stay in a more superficial phase of dating rather than putting my emotions on the line. Sometimes, I simply find a reason to end the relationship altogether.

However, something I’ve recently discovered is how much I lose out by giving into this fear. While looking back at past relationship problems can be a “commitment” stopper, I have to remember that overly-used, but oh-so-true phrase, “it is better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all.” It’s true. While at times hard to remember, one of the best feelings in the world is when you take the chance and step into Phase Three and it actually works. Who knows, maybe the next time I do that it will lead me to an entirely new phase.

Singletons, a look at single life by WFAA.com staffer Marjorie Owens, appears every other Friday.   E-mail o8sis