In a few days Brian and I will celebrate 12 years together. As I write this column at my desk, I am looking at one of the first pictures we took as a couple. It was a candid shot taken at the apartment I shared in college with a couple of my girlfriends. I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world. I still do.

When I look at this picture I see fresh faces full of infatuation, unaware that the initial attraction to one another would grow and develop into something so much more profound. Four years ago, Brian asked me to enter into a spiritual marriage with him (outside of Massachusetts, the laws of our land haven’t quite caught up). Two years ago we were married in front of 250 friends and family at the Dallas Arboretum. It was a beautiful day.

Brian and I decided some time ago, after that picture of those fresh-faced kids was taken and before we gave our vows to one another, that it was each other that we chose to spend our lives with, that it was each other we chose to bear witness to our lives here on Earth. Around the same time, we decided that not only did we want a family, but we could have a family. With increasing frequency gay couples are adopting or hiring surrogates – a notion that 20 years ago was entirely foreign. Brian and I have chosen to adopt.

There is certainly resistance to this new, different kind of family. I could spend days, weeks, months even, spouting my opinions and the virtues of acceptance. I won’t. Instead I will talk about one point that ultra-conservatives make that I agree with – I think children should grow up with both male and female influences. But I don’t think that these influences have to come in the form of a parent.

For all their likenesses, men and women are still very different – and yes, that does include gay men and women. Each gender leaves their own set of unique impressions on a young boy or girl’s life, and each individual leaves their unique stamp on the children within their sphere of influence. Both sexes have something to offer, and both have the power and the responsibility to mold and shape.

I believe single parents and gay parents can be and are just as good at their roles as any straight, married parent. They may just have a different set of challenges – all of which can be easily overcome. For Brian and me, we feel like we will need to have a strong female presence in our children’s lives whether we adopt boys or girls, or both. We want that for our children.

Brian and I are blessed with plenty of strong, successful women in our lives in the form of friends and family. As our children grow and bask in the love that Brian and I will shower on them, we will look to these women of ours to fill in the gaps and come to the rescue when our kids need a feminine ear or a gentler shoulder on which to lean. We will look to these women to be the example to our daughter, so she can see the full scope of possibilities that belong to her, and to be an example to our son, so that he may see equality for all that it should be.

Brian and I, not as fresh-faced as we once were, are still filled with as much hope and promise we were 12 years ago. Sometimes it feels like we have so much, it spills over, waiting to be passed along to the children that haven’t made their way to us just yet. We’re just grateful that our circle of family and friends, is there waiting with us – waiting for their opportunity to contribute to the new, different kind of family Brian and I have chosen to create.

Every other Thursday, Just Friends explores the bonds between gay men and straight women.   E-mail o8sis