A cousin of mine met her husband when he sauntered over to her in a bar 20-odd years ago and informed her that the ice she was chewing on was a sure sign of sexual frustration, something he thought he could help her with.

Two kids later and in the midst of a happy marriage, they laugh at their relationship's roots. It's a funny anecdote.

But something seems to have changed in our culture since 1985, and the idea of seriously meeting anyone under a neon beer sign has fallen out of fashion.

Lately, I've been getting reader feedback that goes roughly like this:

"I'm a really nice guy/interesting woman/new to town and I'm just not sure how to meet people in Dallas because I'm not into the bar scene/I want a real relationship/I don't like meat markets."

Have bars become synonymous with one-night stands and meaningless romances? Sure, you can put on your lowest-cut blouse or tightest pair of pants and go trolling for a piece of ass, but is there a bar culture that exists beyond raw sexuality? Does anyone find true love over a pint anymore? I hit Lower Greenville, East Dallas, Deep Ellum and Addison and asked that very question.

Marley Parker, 21, was a rarity with her answer.

"I've had good experiences – my last boyfriend, we dated for seven or eight months, and we met in a bar," she said. "Sure, there are people who go out looking for one-night stands, but there are a lot who don't."

Elizabeth Attaway, 33, and Nate Robinson, 28 (themselves on a date that night), were much more typical. They met at church.

"We wanted to stop going to bars at all because it was all about hooking up – some people find relationships there, but good grief, I didn't like guys hitting on me," she said. "I guess there's nothing wrong with it, but it's shallow."

Nate echoed that sentiment.

"I spend a lot of time in bars since I'm a musician, but I'm not really a bar kind of guy – I can't say I've met that many interesting women in them," he said. "The best luck I've had meeting women is at a supermarket or bookstore."

I was truly surprised by what I encountered – few people saw an evening of drinks as anything more than foreplay or a girls' night out. Looks like my cousins would be out of luck in North Texas this many years later.

Had success at bars? E-mail Leah at lashafer@gmail.com.

DATING HAIKU

Cute White Rock runner
Makes me want to learn how to
Follow his wind sprints

Your iPod's song list
Tells me whether we can date
Lynyrd Skynyrd ... yuck!

Leah Shafer